Below are 10 entries, after skipping 10 most recent ones in the "cancerousjim" journal:
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A Day of Thought|
Just spent the day thinking. Maybe that's bad but you kind of got to get your head in shape before the fight. Sort of like an athlete getting ready to play his/her sport. Got to get psyched up to go. Right.
I might have more to say later. Will talk tomorrow for sure. Thanks for all the comments too. I do appreciate it. Sort of lets you know that others really do care and it's a great feeling. Thank you.
Jimmy Jim Jim
P.S. Just ran spell check and I'll be damned if I didn't misspell a singel ward. hahaha.......
Update! Update! Not A Real Good One I'm Sorry To Say!|
Those of you who have been keeping up with this tale of woe, know that since I was discovered to have lung cancer, I have basically been associated with two (2) Oncologists. One is my main Oncologist I guess you call him in that he is the one calling all the shots. He's young and has some problems talking and explaining things and my second one, Dr. Ross, was the radiation Oncologist that I saw and liked when I was being radiated. He's a straight shooter so I asked if I could continue to see him after we had finished the radiation and of course, it was okay. I saw him today and we went over the last PET Scan and CAT Scan.
First, lets go back to young Dr. Oakhill. When I saw him last, he told me that the spots that were bad, now were looking good. On a scale of 1 to something.....the previous spots were there was a mass, were below a 4 whatever which meant they were no longer active. Where they had been an 11 something, they were now a 3.2 or something meaning.....yea on the old cancer. But, remember me telling you about a spot that bugged him? Well, actually, it's two spots and they are inside my lungs, not on a lymph node outside my lungs. They are on the front and rear of the top of the right lung, which is where I had part of my lung removed. According to Dr. Ross, the rest of your lungs expand when you take a part out to take over this space that was voided by removing part of the lung. This is where my problem is. Okay?
Now, remember the surgery. I had the upper right portion of my lung removed and was told I was cancer free.....Bad surgeon which we won't go into again. Now, where she removed part of my lung, a little area in that larger area, has caved in. It is at this point where these, "spots" are. According to Dr. Ross today, they had an activity level of 4.1 and 4.3 or something around there. Not real alarming but, knowing that I had lung cancer there before he bet that these spots were cancer. Just like that. He told me he didn't want to be anything but honest with me. I thanked him but have to admit I was shakened. He stated that someday, I would die of lung cancer and he had no clue when but.....that's the way it was.
Okay....we have this pill form of Chemo made by Hoffman-LaRoche called Tarceiva. The chemo pills that cost $5,000.00 retail. Well, I got them through insurance finally for $18.00 co-pay. I'm suppose to take them everyday but when I tried, they knocked me down worse than anything I had so far faced. I mean, sick, sore, achy, dizzy and all I wanted to do was sleep. So, I stopped taking them and called and went back to see young Dr. Oakhill. Where these pills had been optional, now he was telling me I had to take them. I have been on antibiotic for a bad sinus infection and he told me to finish those then try going on this chemo trying it once every three days first. See how I reacted to that. Then if I could handle that, go to 3 pills per week, then try every other day until maybe I could tolerate them every day and still work. I got to work to keep medical insurance folks.....I have to do it. No way out of that....least, not yet. I do have a plan. That's for later.
So my friends, I'm going back on the chemo this weekend. Yuck. I have to or.....the alternative is not an option. I am going on them with a bad frame of mind too. I fear these pills. I felt awful taking them before. That makes one not want to take them if they know that the reaction is going to be bad. Just how bad is the question. I also don't like the fact that these two spots developed while I was on chemo to knock out the main area that I had the cancer before, on the lymph nodes. Ouch! That is what kills me. Now, they could still just be a mass from where the bad surgeon cut on me. Remember, these spots are at a point where part of my lung has caved in. I think that's what young Dr. Oakhill is hoping. Dr. Ross is not so optimistic and remember, he generally is. Damn! What a life. I bet I sleep good tonight.
I'm taking Friday off and Grant and I are going to hang and talk. Got a lot of things to talk about. So, I will now be back here in my chair, posting like I always did until we find out what the hell is going on again. I will describe every bad thing that happens on chemo like I did before......I will not hold anything back and will call it like I see it. Okay?
Going to run to have a ham and cheese omelet. Felt like breakfast for dinner. Oh, and my weight is slowly going down too. Someday you can call me skinny.....haha.
Love all of you and .........God Bless and Later
Current Location: Home
Tags: tag? what the hell is a tag? dogs have t
Update Update Update!!!!|
Those who have been keeping up with this.....forgive me for not posting to my journal. But, I had nothing to say. I saw today Dr. Ross, NARTI, the one that calls it like it is........and did he ever update me to my lung cancer and whether I have it and ....blah blah blah. I'm not at all out of the woods. As a matter of fact, I'm thick in the woods.....I will talk about it later this evening when I get home from this salt mine......stay tuned. I don't like what I heard at all if that tells you anything.......uh, you know the spot that Dr. Oakhill was bugged about? It's more than a spot.....matter of fact, it's two spots not one.
Stay tuned.........new song, new verse, and it sucks sucks sucks big ass time ......damn.
Current Location: Salt Mine
Current Music: I Gotta Get Outta of This Place
Tags: sux's sux's sux's
A Friend Now Has Cancer!|
I got a telephone call yesterday right after the Hogs beat number 8 Alabama in basketball. It was Rex. He had just learned that a good friend of ours has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Oh my Lord! The worst kind for sure. It just keeps on coming doesn't it.
I don't know what to say. I called and talked to his wife but I just am not sure where he is stage wise. They seem to want to act fast but don't we all. Get it out of me is how we think.
Remember, it can happen to any of us. Keep up the fight!
Later and God Bless,
May all of you that have kept up with this log of BS from me during this year, I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas and one Awesome New Years. May 2007 be a great year for us all.
Saturday before Christmas Eve|
I'm just sitting around being lazy and kind of thinking. You know, through this whole thing 99% of the people I know or around me have been just totally awesome. I mean, really nice. Some who weren't what I would call, "real close friends," have stepped up plate and been super nice. But.....and here's the big "but,"....some of who I thought were close, sort of drifted away and really didn't offer themselves to be with me throughout this thing. Some that I thought would be here night and day and .....well, talking to me all the time and just wanting to help like crazy, really kind of hid. Should I be angry about them and their disapperance? That's what I've been thinking about today. There is a couple of friends that here at Christmas were always around and as of yet, I've not seen nor heard from them. Are they phony friends? Were they really not a friend? Could they have been afraid to be around me in that they feared losing me? Why in the fuck did they not show up and be around? I'm sort of angry about it to be honest. I want to know why but I'm not about to pick up that phone and call these so called friends and ask them why ........why the hell were you gone in my life over the last 9 months? Is it my job to find out? Is it their's just to step up to the plate and tell me what was wrong? Cancer is not catching! I can't poison them? What could it have been? Maybe too much drama in my life after losing Shirley, my wife and Bubba, my son? Could they just have been filled up with all the tragedy that has been around me?
I wonder..............???? What could it have been or be ...........????
Later and God Bless,
For right now, this dude doesn't have cancer. We beat this SOB for the time being. The Pet Scan showed a little something around where I had my surgery but it didn't light up. The Cat Scan showed there was nothing there. Clean as I guess, one can be. Now, I go back to see the Doctor in 6 weeks and we'll do another Pet and Cat Scan in 3 months but for now.....go Party! Merry Christmas Big Jim. Santa has brought you something nice. Isn't it nice to have something good for a change happen?
Now, all of you that know anything about cancer, know that I still have to watch out. I have to be tested every 3 months for now and probably the rest of my life. But right now......like I said, go party. Hahaha. Actually, I'm going to sleep. I didn't sleep worth a crap last night thinking about this day. You always fear walking in and they look at you and say, "it's spreading like wild fire. It's in your liver, your kidneys, you butt!" Something like that. You just fear that.
Well, today, I didn't hear that. Instead...."it looks pretty good."......so yea for my team for a change.
I know everyone is excited......haha. Go have a cool one on me. Glass of fine wine or something. Throw one down for Big Jim. Okay?
Later and God Bless
Tomorrow's The Day!|
Well, at 1:30 tomorrow, I will go in the doctor's office and sit there for about 45 minutes. Then, he and his nurse Sonia will wall in and she'll sit at the computer and he'll jump on the patient thing while I sit in his chair. Then......I get the word. Is it still with me or is it gone.........
Wow.....I don't know what to say.
Don't Have Much To Say`|
Tommorrow at 7:00 am, I'm to be in Fayetteville for my Pet Scan. It will tell the tale. I won't know though until the 18th when I see the doctor. Let's .........hope.
Christmas is coming and I've done nothing. I need to go do something now. Okay?
Later and God Bless
I Assume Things Are Cool!|
I'm terrible about updating. It just seems that I've been awful busy at work and when I get home, I just want to relax. My Bad! Spank me if you can. I love it rough you know.....(haha) Not really. No rough for me.
Well, here is what Dr. Oakhill said late last week. "Well, now we'll do another Pet and Cat Scan and if it looks like what I think, we'll go ahead and let you go." "Let me go?" Where am I going? I'm not going any where. I like it here. I don't want to leave.....haha. No, that is good news. Let's just hope that Pet and Cat Scan are negative. They were the last time so lets hope they negative. For some reason though, I just have this funny feeling about this one. All of you that know me know that my luck, "if luck is the word or lack of it is really the word," has just not been that good over the last 10 years or so and that in itself makes me nervous. It seems as if my life is one that if I don't lose something or break it, I crap on it. Not intentionally but that's just the way it happens. I'm nervous to put it mildly. I just got a call also and we're doing the Pet and Cat scans next Monday morning, the 11th, at 7:00 a.m. I see the doctor the following Monday at 1:30 p.m. so that's when we get the word. All of you keep your prayers, lucky charms, mojo's or whatever going for me. Let's rid me of this for a while. There is no doubt in my mind it will come back some day but lets make that a long long day away. Right? Damn Right!
I'm at work and the market is trading. It's really boring today. Corn is down 2 1/4, beans are unchanged, meal up $0.30, soy oil down $0.19 and crude oil -$0.19 a barrel also and Natural gas down $0.106 at 7.700. That should be bot at 7.50 folks........go load up. Make some money off me. Fair?
Gonna run. Keep those cards and letters coming. Love all of ya!
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